Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
