Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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