i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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