You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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