I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Enjoy the penises
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
