If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
