Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize