I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
