Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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