i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
