PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
