But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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