Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My pussy is not your playground.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
