dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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