They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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