I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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