you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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