you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
