You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize