was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
