Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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