I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
