im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
