I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
