Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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