Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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