wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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