i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
