As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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