Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
