i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
