Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
