Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
