I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
