he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
