I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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