Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
