so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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