mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
