Umm I'm too high to move.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
