I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
