FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
