we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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