and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
