Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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