I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize