Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
