If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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