Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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