your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
