I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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