We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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