I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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