Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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