Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
