Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
