Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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