Need sex. Gaining weight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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