Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize