i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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