Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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