your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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