Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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