Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
