Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
