Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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