the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
