it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize