i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
