please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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